ONE YEAR WITHOUT MAMA: A TRIBUTE TO A MOTHER WITH A HEART OF GOLD

“No affliction strikes except by permission of ALLAH. And whoever believes in ALLAH, He will guide his heart. And ALLAH is knowing of all things.” (Quran 64:11)

It’s been a year—twelve months marked by the quiet ache of absence and memories that keep us company since we lost our beloved mother (fondly called ‘Mama’ by us and her grandchildren), Hajiya Sa’adatu Musa Kofa on the 17th of May 2024, corresponding to the 9th of Dhu’l-Qadah, 1445 AH.  Time has flown, yet the silence left in the wake of our mother’s passing has been deafening. Still, it remains painfully difficult to accept that my time with Mama (being her last child), has come to an end. Equally, Mama’s death has hit my beloved father, four older siblings, four grandchildren, her sisters, in-laws, relatives, domestic staff and acquaintances in unquantifiable proportion.

Married to my father, Engr. Usman Shehu Liman for close to four decades, Mama was born into the family of Late Alh. Musa Kofa’s family, Gidan Garko, Kofar Doka, Zaria City, Kaduna State). Upon her marriage to my father in the mid-1980s, she commenced her life term stay in Kaduna City to join one of her sister, Inna Talatu which appeared to ease her loneliness.   Her death was the first bereavement of a very close family member I would go through because I did not have the opportunity to meet both my paternal and maternal grandparents alive when I was born. For Mama, she had witnessed the death of her own parents (Kawu and Haj. Amina) and two brothers (Kawu Iliya and Kawu Haruna). Her last surviving brother, Kawu Danladi died about 5 months after her own death. May ALLAH (SWT) forgive all our departed loved ones, Ameen.

Mama was diagnosed with an illness called metastatic breast cancer only a few months before her death, a difficult and rapid journey that tested our faith and resilience. Although she was diagnosed to be diabetic in early 2005 when she was carrying me in her belly, she enjoyed good health to a large extent with no record of hospitalization since I was born beyond the usual ‘diabetic management troubles’ and malaria. However, her hospital visits increased after turning 50 years. About a year to her death, she suddenly developed leg pain which kick started her journey to death. Please pardon my inability to go into details of her several diagnoses, chemotherapy session in Abuja and hospitalizations in Kaduna because I am still overwhelmed by emotions and grief. It is a journey that cannot be discussed without tears flowing from my eyes. The peak of the trauma we faced as a family, was when the doctors informed us that she had a low chance of survival due to the advance stage of the cancer (well, except by miracle). Such a torturing period!

Notwithstanding, I thank ALLAH (S.W.T) for the life you lived, the way you left us, and the unmatched blessing of being your children. As a wife, Mama was simply unmatched by my own estimation. She was an excellent and exceptional home manager.  Despite completing only secondary school (Women Teacher College (WTC), Kabomo) as was common with her age mates then, she excelled in managing her home. She approached her ‘stay at home’ duties, a term I find more respectful and appropriate than a ‘house wife’ with a difference. She put her family’s needs above her own, and she lived to please Allah. Part of her duties included buying groceries, managing and supervising school runs, managing domestic staff, attending PTAs, etc. Her excellent diligence in the home front from my assessment provided our father with the stability to face his work squarely in all his years in NNPC before his glorious exit as a Group General Manager.  

Mama kept a spotless and organized home. She had a passion for cleanliness and was probably the most hygienic person I know. At the risk of sounding negative, Mama was a neat freak. She just could not withstand dirt or dirty environment. As a result of her efforts, my elder brother received the prize for the ‘neatest student’ all through his primary school education. Recounting his experience and my elder sister, they said they never repeated uniforms because Mama always washed and ironed them every day. Whenever she visits my father in Abuja, Mama would not sit down to rest without giving his house a complete facelift. To sum up, Mama was an energetic woman. Little wonder, we all cried when she lied powerlessly on her sick bed.  

She was a giver in every sense—especially with food and money. With Mama, it was almost impossible to leave our home hungry. Even in her final days, when she was bedridden and mostly unresponsive, she would ask in fleeting moments of lucidity if we had eaten. Mama was, in every way, a homemaker. Mama was not a miser in utilizing the home upkeep money she received from our father generously. She believed in eating good food and was an excellent cook in her right. She believed in sharing the little she had with others to the extent that some people erroneously assumed she was a Millionaire. Far from it, she was only a giver from the personal upkeep money she received from our father having been unsuccessful with the poultry and transportation businesses she did at various times of her life. She was the embodiment of kindness, generous even when it was inconvenient for her. For example, in her hospital bed, she replaced a faulty phone for her cousin-sister who was nursing her. She was a mother not only to us but for many. So many people have shared stories over the past year about her quiet strength, your helpfulness, and your unwavering support. To many, you were a pillar. Some mourned as though they too had lost a mother.

As a loving wife, Mama was contended. She abhours envy and jealousy. By her quiet and unassuming nature, she believed in moderation despite her love for fashion. To our knowledge, she never pestered our father for worldly things either for herself, her children or relatives. On the contrary, she was quite supportive and accommodative of our father’s relatives. She accommodated all sides without favoritism. Mama never said anything awful about her late in-laws nor disparaged them. She was a woman of class and maturity. Though I was too young for Mama to confide in me, her unending long calls to my elder sister usually provided her some degree of comfort.

My mother was a constant part of our lives and her death has left a deep pain in our hearts. She was the first contact person for all of us. The worst for me is the deafening silence where she used to exist. As her last born, we were mostly always together. During the final lapse of her illness, I could not see myself returning back to American University of Nigeria (AUN) to continue with my Law degree study. So, I had to apply for a deferment and subsequently enrolled in Kaduna State University this year.  I was her companion in quiet moments, her partner in watching TLC, she provided solutions to my concerns, and she put up with my teenage whims with patience, and even when I fell short in gratitude, she never withheld her love or support. She encouraged my dreams and walked beside me to achieve them. When I took an interest in cooking and baking, she stood beside me every step of the way.

Where else are we going to find the same unwavering love and dutiful care you gave us so abundantly? My siblings and I shared an unbreakable bond with you. We cannot forget in a hurry that you went under the knife (cesarean section) to bring all of us into this world. For me, you were my safe space and best friend. I never allowed myself to imagine life without you until your diagnosis forced me to. You were my shield, my anchor, my most constant support. Yet even in your death, you’ve taught me that in every hardship, there is a hidden ease. I now find solace in our memories and peace in remembering the grace with which you lived your life.

Her faith and Taqwa was central to her being. She loved dhikr and was often found with her tasbih in hand. All through her life, she did not succumb to the practice of visiting soothsayers and ‘bin Malamai’. She guarded her faith jealously and persevered in her times of difficulties. 

    My niece (whom was named after Mama) recalls how, during their walks, Mama would quietly engage in remembering Allah while listening patiently to her childish rambles. Through her illness, she never wavered in faith. Even when told her condition was terminal, she showed no despair, no bitterness; only trust in Allah’s will. She accepted her fate with quiet dignity. Mama was a woman of inner strength, a silent achiever with wisdom and humility.

Hajiya Sa’adatu was a gem. She loved us unconditionally, she prayed for us, she wanted our success, and she felt our pain as hers. After her passing, the outpouring of love and testimonies from those she touched was overwhelming. Relatives, friends, neighbors, and even casual acquaintances spoke of her generosity, her gentleness, and good nature. She never looked down on anyone and often took on other people’s burdens as though they were her own. She strived to live peacefully with others. So many people still remember and will continue to remember her for the support and positive impact that she had on their lives.

Mama, your time came, and though it passed far too quickly for us, we trust in ALLAH’s timing. Your memory lives on. You have left a supportive and understanding husband who provided the atmosphere for all the good deeds you have done. You also left your four graduate children (including a PhD holder now) striving hard to chart their own respective courses and I, in the university. In addition, the number of your daughter-in laws has increased from Maman Abdulrahman that you left with the marriage of your twins in December 2024. There will never be enough words to thank you for all you did, and we will never stop missing you. I miss you saying “Allah yayi albarka” to us. I was particularly comforted when my elder brother told me that our father had even before her death prayed to ALLAH to forgive all her transgressions (known and unknown) in their marital life.   My prayer remains constant: that we are reunited in Aljannatul Firdaus.

May Allah forgive your shortcomings and grant you light in your grave. May Allah accept your good deeds, exalt you to the highest rank in Aljannah Firdaus, and may He preserve your legacy.

Ameen ya Hayyu ya Qayyum.

🖊️ Fatima Usman Liman,  

100-Level Political Science Student, Kaduna State University, Kaduna State.